Libby's Odyssey

No life is free of pain. No life is free of trouble. But woven in between these times of hurt, life has so much beauty, joy and grace to offer. It often hard to see the beauty of life when things go downhill, but its there, regardless of whether it is acknowledged or not. Almost every single person you encounter will have experienced moments of feeling lost in life – its an intrinsic part of the human experience, and often what allows us to truly appreciate feelings of humanity. Loosing your place in life can be triggered by many things – trauma, life changes, burnout; the list could go on. If you’re feeling lost right now, please just know that you’re not alone. As a young adult growing up in these tumultuous times, I am no stranger to feeling like I am lost. The despair and helplessness that can be felt when feeling like you have no place in your own reality is unbelievably daunting. I must pose a question to you though; what if loosing yourself is not the end, but rather the beginning of something deeper? While moments of disorientation feel tricky, brick by brick, they pave the path to true self discovery.

Reflection of me and the sun – March 2025

There are moments in life where you will wake up and feel like a complete stranger to yourself. Perhaps these changes will happen gradually, almost like the erosion of the shoreline, slowly eroding and rebuilding, changes so subtle that you wont even notice until there’s a stranger in the mirror looking back at you. Or maybe it will happen suddenly, like the ground vanishing beneath your feet, leaving you to pick up the pieces. Feeling lost isn’t always dramatic and polarising. Sometimes, it’s the eery quiet of your mind as you move through the motions of life on autopilot, a sense of disconnection from the things you once loved. Sometimes, its sitting in a room full of people and feeling desperately alone. Sometimes, its finally achieving something you have always dreamed of, and realising that perhaps this is not what you actually wanted. Its waking up and asking, is this really me? Is this what I truly want?

The pain of losing yourself is quite unique. Its not an open wound that you can easily identify, its rather the pain of absence, the dark void of nothing where certainty used to be. You might feel directionless walking down a road that no longer feels like its going to take you to where you need to go. Things you once loved may feel foreign, and relationships may feel distant. It may even get to a point where even your own thoughts feel as though they are coming from a far off, distant place. These feelings and realisations may leave you feeling disorientated, but what if we were to treat this as an invitation to start afresh?

“Green Gathering” – March 2025

Losing yourself is often a kind of death, not a physical demise but rather the shedding of old identities, beliefs and attachments that no longer serve you. In tarot, death is one of the most widely misunderstood cards. As someone who reads tarot, when I pull the death card in a reading for someone, the reaction is often panic. Rather than signifying actual demise, the death card represents transformation – necessary endings that make room for something new. The death card happens to be the card that is represented by my own numerology, and find solstice in this fact. Similarly, Christianity speaks at length about death and resurrection, not just concerning the death of Christ, but in the way that believers are called to be “born again”, symbolising shedding an old self and embracing renewal. The cycle of death and rebirth is intrinsic to nature itself even – trees let go of their leaves in autumn, only to flourish again in spring. To feel lost is to experience the winter of the self, grieving what once was and what could have been. But just like winter is not the end, this disorientation is not either. You will find your way, and the sun will shine once more.

Feeling as though you have lost yourself can be one of the most frightening things in the world, especially in today’s society where so much of an individual’s identity is tied to relationships, beliefs, career and family. We define ourselves by our specific roles in society, creating a narrow version of self that fits within these bounds. As we move through life, these boundaries can become very limiting. We will inevitably encounter moments of change that will shake the foundation that we have built for ourselves, whether that be through loss, change or failure, and this will challenge the identity that we have clung to for so long. Its moments like these where we are called to rise to the opportunity of evolution.

Niall and Chris at Lion’s Lookout – March 2025

Psychologists like Erik Erikson have been studying the importance of identity crisis’ on human development for many years. In his theory of psychological development, he outlines how adolescence is characterised by the struggle between identity and role confusion. It’s a phase where we try on different versions of ourselves, figuring out which one fit and which ones don’t, before we can finally settle into the most authentic version of ourselves. This process isn’t easy, and its rarely comfortable, but its also a necessary step towards finding our true selves. This narrative is also outlined by the “hero’s journey”, a widely recognised literary trope that encapsulates this idea quite nicely. Every hero experiences a moment of doubt, a descent into darkness, before rising from the ashes of their old self with a renewed sense of wisdom and strength. This highlights how essential it is to face the darkness of uncertainty and fear, knowing that the light will still be there waiting for us on the other side.

While I have not been on this earth for long, I feel like the person I am today is comprised of many different versions of me, pieced together like a mosaic, each segment knowing a little bit more about the world than the last. I am not someone who likes to be defined by my trauma, but I still recognise that some things that will happen to you will change the very way you perceive yourself and the world around you. There has been multiple points in life where I have begged for no more lessons, thinking that I’ve learnt enough. The reality is that for however long you get to spend on Earth, you will keep learning new things until the day you die. Not everything you learn will be something you want to know, but it will probably be things you need to know regardless. While I have felt a lot of pain and heartbreak, I wouldn’t want to change my experience. I am only the person I am today because of what I have experienced, and I wouldn’t want to mess with fate and destiny (if that’s something you believe in).

Magdalena Bay Concert – March 2025

Theres a subtle shift that can be experienced when we finally find our way out of the fog. It may not come in the form of a grand revelation, in fact, it most probably won’t be obvious at all. Realisations like this often come in quiet moments of reflection and clarity. Sometimes it’s a fleeting moment of peace amongst the chaos. Maybe it’s a conversation that cuts through the coldness of reality. Other times, you may just reach a point where you know you simply cannot continue in the same way and something needs to change. Its in moments like these that you begin to realise that you were never entirely lost in the first place, there are pieces of us that are still intact and waiting to be nurtured if you will allow them to be. Rebuilding ourselves doesn’t mean we have to go back to who we once were, rather creating a renewed sense of self through letting go of the things that are no longer aligned with us. The process involves reconnecting with what truly matters to us, our values, passions and dreams, and shedding the things that no longer resonate with the person we are becoming.

Rebuilding ourselves also means forgiving ourselves for the time we spent feeling lost, this was ultimately necessary for growth. Trusting the process requires an amount of self-compassion and patience. This process will not happen overnight, and it will not be linear, but each step forward is an affirmation that you are aligning with your true meaning and purpose. Introspection is valuable here, I would personally recommend journalling and pursuing creative endeavours, I know that those things have been uniquely influential in my own journey. Slowly but surely, everything will start to make sense again and you will begin to realise that no only have you found yourself again, that you have become a version of yourself that’s stronger, more grounded, and more aligned with your true meaning and purpose.

Me and my old cat Claudie – circa. 2010

The cycle of death and rebirth is as natural as the changing of the seasons. Just how winter turns to spring, inner turmoil and darkness will make way for light and prosperity. So, if you find yourself at a crossroads, remember that this is not the end of your journey, but rather the beginning of a new chapter. Embrace the uncertainty, and remember, what is meant for you Will Not Pass You By.