Libby's Odyssey

The day I lost you, I lost me too.
I lost my best friend, my confidant, my home.
I was always told that home is where the heart is,
And it was your heart that taught me how to love,
And how to be loved back.
Once, my day-to-day inconveniences felt world-ending.
With your kind, unwavering eyes, I never felt unheard.
“Oh Love, I’m so sorry.”
I long to face those inconveniences again,
Just for you to hold me one last time,
Before my world truly did end.

How foolish to take for granted,
A maternal love I believed every child received.
Only when that love was rescinded did I understand
How lucky I once was.

I miss my naivety, how it all seemed so bright back then.
I miss my callowness, at times, my ignorance.
Too many lessons learned, haven’t I learnt enough?
I miss being a daughter, a child,
Your daughter, your child.

The day I lost you, I lost me too.
I lost the person I was, the person I was meant to be.
My father, broken-hearted,
Sometimes I feel like I lost part of him too.
He still loves you deeply,
But your image is too painful.
Sometimes I am your image.

I don’t know what my world would look like now with you in it.
Chronic insomnia, dreaming of possibilities without fruition.
A myriad of sleepless nights, terrors waking me,
Just like they have my whole life.
Now, no door to knock on, no bed to crawl into.
That safety, reassurance, inviolability—
Now, retrospectivity.

You are gone, but you are fragmented around me.
Reflections of you in the good, bad, and in between.
The mirror echoes you most days.
The mark you made on my world is undeniable.
Whispers of reassurance found in those who knew you,
And those who wish they did.